We'll have ourselves an old fashioned contest!

On April 1st we'll kick off the Asstastic 2009 Spring Decathlon!! Uptight can participate in Iraq, and finish out the contest back home for a June 30th finish. We'll award gold and silver medals to the first and second place winners for each event at a medal ceremony in July.

All eyes will be on Uptight, Valley Girl and The Fonz as they race to earn a permanent spot in the Old Friends ranks. Only thing we know for sure is where Chivas would cast her vote if she could...

The trials are as follows:

1-Eye of the Tiger - Most days of exercise logged

2-Kitchen Sensi - Highest # of meals made at home

3-Rapacious Reader - Highest # of pages read from books

4-Social Savvy - # "that's what he/she said" comments said in front of 2+decathletes

5-Undesirable Bravado - Decathlete who wore worst outfit to in person work meeting attended by at least one decathlete, with photographic evidence.

6-Mucho Sexy - Highest # of references to one's "workspace" in conversation in front of at least two other decathletes.

7-Keen Powers of Observation - Best cell phone photos of random, unknown people.

8-Exceptional Brand Loyalty - Highest # of unique Trader Joe's products eaten.

9-Good Christian Virtues - # of consecutive days without alcohol

10-Old Friends Rush - Most lunches / happy hours with at least two Old Friends earns a permanent, coveted spot in the Old Friends ranks with MDiddy, Awesome and Chivas

And we're off! :)

We will marvel at Uptight's psychic powers

So, Chivas was minding her own business like she always does on one sunny afternoon when she saw a little dove knocking on her window with its beak. Chivas, being an animal lover, immediately opened the window and discovered that the dove had a delivery for Chivas. Intrigued, Chivas proceeded to unroll the little strip of paper as the dove merrily flew away, happy that it had now met the hottest woman on the planet.




WHOA! How did Uptight find out that Chivas is pregnant? Uptight's psychic powers freaked out Chivas at first, but she soon regained her composure. Then, warm and fuzzy feelings emerged as Chivas smiled, thinking that her old Dad had not given up on her - that he'll one day return and give her the hug and affection she had always longed for. And guess what? Maybe he'll hug his grandchild as well. Now THAT's a thought Chivas shall cherish for a long time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeMYNhZ4kyE

I will continue to create poetic history...

Ode to Awsome's Craiglist entry......

Sofa of Robin

Clean as White Winter Snowfall

Buy It or You Fool

Passage to encourage all to appreciate New Dad's greatness

Vivi's New Dad Rocks

Humble...Flexible...and Smart

Andrew better Run

And finally for those who have turned jealous green...

Waymond Fears New Dad

Words that Call Vivian Hot

He Must Not Smile.

I will write songs and poetry for my ladies!

Da Da Na Na Na Action Awsome! Da Da Na Na Na
She's an action woman! Shee needs to see and be seen!
New York's too small...L.A.'s too small....
Da Da Na Na Na Awsome Action! Da Da Na Na Na.



Vivian is hot
The bright Sun does not compare
Must wear sunglasses

We'll Get Off Our Asses & Kick Uptight's Ass...Eventually

Uptight was racking up the miles in the Nike Challenge, but now he is wounded. Time for Awesome and Chivas to step in and take the lead! We may not be much to look at now, but get ready!

Once we start running they'll be no stopping us! Right Chivas? Right!

We'll wonder if the second loneliest boy in the world is feeding pizza to the fishies

Uptight, Chivas misses being your daughter, but was baffled at your response when you found out that she has been adopted by Slothbaker - it almost seemed like you expected her betrayal. And you know what? It hurt. And it hurt deep. A girl just wants a Dad who will hug her - is that too much to ask?

Now that Chivas has been officially adopted by Slothbaker, we have to wonder... what's there left for Uptight? Are his days spent feeding pizzas to the fishies? It is safe to assume that Uptight has become the world's second loneliest boy. (We all know that Waymond is the world's original loneliest boy since he doesn't have his own friends and instead dreams of hanging out with his hot wife Chivas' friends.)

Chivas is known to have a big heart and she will not hold grudges against Uptight. Chivas would like to dedicate Andrew Gold's Lonely Boy to her former cold and uptight father to celebrate his new title of "the world's second loneliest boy". Here are lyrics to the chorus.

Oh, oh, what a lonely boy

Oh, what a lonely boy

Oh, what a lonely boy

Two of Uptight's new friends made friends with Chivas and texted over their picture. For the rest of the gang - meet Julie and Jill. They were very lonely before and only had each other to lean on, but they told me that they really appreciate Uptight's daily visits - and his pizza, of course!

We'll Find Another Tall Bland White Guy

Missing the droll, extremely literal conversational skills that only a fly white guy can bring to the table, Awesome set out to find herself a suitable replacement for Uptight. Awesome reached into the past, and brought Jody back out into the light!

Uptight, no need to worry about Awesome being lonely anymore. She's being entertained by Jody as we speak. Oh and guess what! We just learned Jody knows how to play backgammon! Would love to stay and chat, but Awesome's gotta go roll some dice with her new best bud!

URGENT UPDATE!! Awesome and Chivas just learned that Jody has known how to play Nertz since childhood. Right now he is rockin' the solitare pile while bopping to the Bronski Beat. This guy can play Nertz and dance?! Wow. The ladies are impressed.